Shareholder Slash Unemployed Life

Let's see.. Everyday, I'm doing the same thing.. Which are eat, sleep, watch malay drama, then sleep.. Because of I'm having too much free time, my negative thinking is back.  I don't know if I'm desperate or anything.. But I really want to date someone that is just like the guys in the drama I watched. I know it's unrealistic but still.. I can hope and dream right? My heart feel uneasy, I don't know the reason for it.. I don't know who to talk to.. That's why, all I can do is express it in my blog.. My blog is where no one who knew me, know about it.. I just need somewhere to express this unresolved thinking, feeling.

Don't

Don't say it's okay for me to fall for you again.. What if I take it seriously and fall u harder... What if I keep on bugging u to fall in love with me back... What if I hope for more than just a friends... It won't be hard for my heart to switch from friend to love because I do love you before but I let it go because you fall for other person and because your heart is too far from me.. Don't ever let me hope.. I may be sometimes okay with certain things but that's only because I don't want to lose my positivity..

Thank you. I need it.

Actually don't care about what ppl say about you because you are not living under their comment or statement. Believe me, you are much more better than you know. You got the ability just you need time to polish it. Ya, we will be hurting after we heard what ppl say about us. Be thankful for the bad things in life. They open your eyes to see the good things you weren’t paying attention to before. Ignore the people who talk about you behind the back. That's exactly where they belong, behind your back. Some people will love to hate you for all the wrong reason but they're not worth your attention. Remember, you are much more better than you know.

Friendzone

He was once I loved but now who is my friend. I fall for him again and once again my feelings can't reach him. My heart keeps on hoping but my heart keeps being hurt. A hope is a dangerous thing I know, but I still hope for them to fall for me back and the one who are special for my heart. The cycles keeps on repeating. I love him but I'm in the friendzone. I learn to accept but my heart still hurt from the rejection. I'm there for you as a friend but your too busy with your life. How about me? Who will be there for me when I'm down. My lecturers dislike me but act like kind to me because I once loved you and because you are closed to me as a FRIEND. Does she only kind to me when she needed help?

My New Working Life

Hi!! Currently, I'm working at a place where there are various type fish and people from various country come to visit. In my working place, I can say that I am having so much fun!! My colleagues are special and friendly but I have to be careful not to attract attentions because they are all kind but they have a certain habits. I met various types of customers and my work requires attending the customers and handling lots of cash. Because of that, I'm kinda afraid making mistakes but insyaallah there won't be any mistakes in term of cash that is. But still!! I can't believe it, I make a blunder yesterday!! I need to learn from that mistakes and don't ever repeat it.

I can't believe it😆😆

It's my birthday today!! I thought I didn't have friends that remember my birthday.. But I do have friends who still remember me.. But among all the wishes, my favourite wishes is from someone I once loved and now consider me as his bestfriend.. The wishes goes like this.. Morning and happy birthday my dear ****.. It may seems simple but for me, it can change my whole day 360 degrees.. And I met him just now, he keep on wishing me happy birthday😍😍.. I don't need gifts or presents but all I need is a simple wish that can make me happy.. I didn't say that others who wishes me doesn't make me happy.. No... I'm thrilled actually but from that one particular person wish make me extra happy😘😘

Few Minutes to go

Although, I know I'm childish but I can't avoid thinking that I'm really am childish... I'm sleepy but I refuse to go to sleep.. Because tomorrow is my 20th birthday.. It's supposed to be special I think..  I'm not expecting any present or gifts but I want my friends and my family to atleast remember and wish me.. But I don't think it's really possible since I'm not much of a always spend her time with her friends.. I know it's hurt if what I hope won't come true but I still hope for it.. Tomorrow, I'm still doing the same thing and nothing change at all.. I have to accept that I'm just one of the many person in the world.. Although, I said that.. I know that I refuse to accept it..

Just A Bit

As I see people from my surrounding, I realised that everyone have their places in the world. The uncles and aunties have their own jobs and responsibility, the lady who walk in front of me has her own responsibility and things to do and she know what she want to do with her life. That moment, I wonder.. What me? Where's my place in the world? What do I want to do? Can I make difference to the world? Am I unique and limitless? What is my ambition? What is my goal? What will I be in the next 5 years? Will I be successful? Can I make my parents feel proud of me? Will I make them happy? All this questions and many more are always in my mind. I can't seem to find a way out!   Actually, I'm not sure of what I want. Maybe it's true that I'm a half-assed type of person that always unsure of everything. And I learned that hope can be both good and bad. It can either make us feel in the cloud or make us feel empty and only dissapointment exist. But unfortunately, I'm a foolish girl that will always hope and only to be left feeling disappointed at last.

Must be Fun

While I was daydream, I've thinking to go out with him n ms J to watch the new movie coming out "Deadpool".. I'm thinking of paying for them coz last week, both of them help me.. But I realise something, I don't have money at all.. Although, my room is equipped with air-conditioning but I spend all my day in my house without spending a single cents.. Usually, my money will spend in one day and my dad will only give rm10 a day.. If I went to college or went out till late.. That rm10 will be my breakfast, lunch and dinner but most of the time, I skip the breakfast n dinner to avoid using much money.. I know he is facing difficult times but my college life are wasted bcause I can't go out at all with my friends.. My snacks also included in the one day rm10.. I know others have it worst but when I ask for extra pocket money.. My dad just said that stay home.. Even when I went out, most of the things were paid by others.. I don't even have extra money to spend.. And my lil brother told me to be spend wisely.. Easy for him to say coz all he spend is cheap things at his school and foods that cheap.. Unlike me, from morning 8 something till 6 something, I will be outside and all money my dad gave me was rm10.. My lil bro doesn't understand foods and things at schools r considerably cheap plus all the pocket money my aunt n uncle give too... Unlike the real world.. Hw am I supposed to save money if at home, also nothing to bring as my lunch.. I think one of the reason, I'm starting to slim r bcause lack of food.. But my family refuse to understand.. What they understand is I always spend my money like water.. If my money one day is rm10 and that include breakfast, lunch and dinner.. Then, hw bout if I'm interested in a clothes or etc.. I'm not the type to go out often and most of my clothes r hand-down from my sister.. Is it wrong for me to ask for extra pocket money when I want to go out.. Sometimes, I can't even buy things coz afraid that I don't have enough money to pay the parking.. I know some got worse but I don't understand..  Why can't they understand my SITUATION!!!!!!!!  I did try to understand them but it's tiring coz they refuse to understand me.. Most of things, in my rooms also from my saving that I skip eating for whole day.. Is it wrong for me to ask for extra pocket money or am I bad daughter that doesn't listen to you all at all!!

Lazying Around

This few days, all I do is daydream.. I don't know what should I do...  It's just so boring.. Watching tv also don't have an impact anymore... Sleep.. I prefer at night..  Boringggggggggggg

Not sure anymore

I'm not sure who I am now.. Am I pretending to be someone else? To make him happy and try to be his friends? Actually, I don't even know if I'm his true friends or just someone who he cn let out his feelings with.. I am in the process of forget the feelings but as he keep on saying this like "my ex understand me" or "ms S said she is the only one understand me rather than anyone else" or things that u said for me to keep it a secret between us coz u said u trusted me.. But as I listen to all your sayings.. I can't help notice that most of the "secrets" people know is the same as I know...  I don't think I'm really necessary..  U cn just go to ms S or ur fans coz they seem to understand u really well.. I'm insignificant! Ur just afraid to lose one of the support people that will always be there for you! I don't know.. I can't think u as a person taking advantage of me at all.. Haish.. I don't think ur taking advantages at all.. It's just that ur too kind to push me away n just cope with my weirdness.. I'm sorry that I have still feeling for u and it will only burden you.. But I can't denied that all the people that u said understand u really well and u trusted them.. U told almost all "secrets" u told me before... It's better if u said go away, I have plenty of fans and support..  So that, I can go away.. And I can't stop thinking about u every single day, worrying bout u. If only I have a boyfriend, it would be better bcause I won't be thinking of u every single time and my focus will be on my boyfriend..

Annoying

Today, I didn't get to meet with sir bcause no transport... This is getting really annoying!!  It's the third time, I'm supposedly meet him but the first time, there are other guest come to meet him, the second time, he suddenly went to KL and the third time, me myself don't have the transportation.. If like this, better I close my mouth and don't meet him😒😒.. I want to be professional but it's getting on my nerves.. And I'm in desperate need to message any cute guys that are single and available bcause I keep disturbing him... Probably, if I have others to text with.. I won't keep on texting him and if one day, he feel annoyed bcause I keep on texting him.. Our friendship will probably... 😐😐

Sleepy

I want to know the update but I realise something.. I don't know where my standing.. Am I ur friends or..  I'm not sure.. Since, u also having a date with ur sister and I don't want to interrupt with my curiosity and busybody.. I'm just gonna off to bed and sleep.. Goodnight..  Hashtag today was awkward coz I don't know how to go out with friends.. The only friends that I'm really really crazy with is ms J.. I really don't know.. I know I'm kinda weird but I seriously don't know 😅😅😅😓😓

.....

I'm letting go of everything to start fresh.. My position, my presence and possibly other trust.. I want to tell him bout this but he already seems so down and I don't want to make problem for him.. Haha.. I'm really weird although I'm suffering a bit but I still think about others.. Hey, others may have it worse right.. 😊

Give Up and Give My Support

I got news... But I don't know whether it's good news or bad news though... Me and boss is now a good friends.. He always talk to me about almost everything and that includes his crush.. Although, I will always be there for him and support him.. I won't denied that it's still hurt hearing he talk about her so fondly..  But I'll always support him and listen to any kind of problem he had... Because he's my second most beloved friends after ms J..  I'm honored bcos he believe in me and always talk to me his secrets n worries.. But he's always busy, how bout when I need support? Will he be there's for me? And I know he have a lot of supports from others and that includes his ex and his fans... Then, where do I stand actually? Someone who will be there for you when ur in hard times?  Yes, I will be there always for you but when you have a girlfriend... Please..  Please.. Ignore me..  It's really complicated, I'm slowly letting go of this feelings but this few days, I'm feeling down but I'm worried that if I tell u.. It will disturb u.... Arghhh!! I'm so annoyed with this stupid feelings!! Most of my friends are forgetting about me, I will be in the shadow now.. Where you won't see me and probably you will forget bout me eventually... When u found other friends whom u cn share ur problems with... I'm tired and stress, why won't the feeling of worried go away!! I'm also confused 😕!  What do I want actually?